I am taking an informal poll of any moms or dads who happen upon this post.
If your 17, soon to be 18, year old daughter stayed out all night and did not call you to let you know where she was, how would you react when she returned home the next morning?
Off the cuff-age doesn't matter if she is living at home and you have a standing boundary that she doesn't stay out all night, has appropriate time to be home by, that if she goes out she needs to let you know where she is, etc.
ReplyDeleteIn my book teen "freedom" is a privilege that is earned by how responsible, trustworthy, safe, and mature my kids have proven themselves to be. From early childhood We unlock and maybe open the door of opportunity a crack for them so they can pass through if they want so that they have the chance to exercise those traits. That way they always have the chance to build upon that foundation to always be reaching new levels of independence.
If it was my kid, I would have been feeling furious, relieved, frightened, etc and I would not hold back on showing those emotions upon her return. Sometimes they need to know what they put us through! Privileges-cell, car, phone, computer-would be put on hold for whatever amount of time and that would be my child’s chance to earn back trust, respect and freedom. The first step in our family to this healing and recovery is a sense that we have gotten a SINCERE(and you know when it is or not)apology and a plan on how this problem will be worked on(fixed, whatever).
Hope this helps! Hang in there!
BTW, I'm really enjoying your blog! The solidiers you made around x-mas are the same that my mom made in the late 50's! i still have one! And your Inuit studies where GREAT!
ReplyDeleteYour boy is so dang cute!!!! I lOVE that curly hair!
Honestly, I expect my kids to call if anything changes in what they are doing while they live in my house. If they need to be out past curfew, I wouldn't mind, but I need to know. And expect them to be responcible enough to let me know. It is one thing to have them need to be out (whether the reasons are valid to us or not) but it is another for you to wake in the middle of the night, worried they are dead.
ReplyDeleteJust out of respect for me, my kids are required to call when their plans change.
But understand, my oldest is almost 13. ;)
Hope you have a great and restful weekend.
Val
I think if my oldest (17 in May) would have called I would have been fine with it. Mainly because if she'd taken an adult enough minute to call me so I wouldn't worry, I would have thought she was becoming a responsible adult (which I'm trying to raise).
ReplyDeleteBut on the flip side, not calling shows an extreme amount of immaturity, therefore loss of mature privileges...cell phone, car, computer, etc.
Parenting sucks sometimes, doesn't it?
Hope all is well.... ;)
I have grown children living at home still, and they are expected to follow certain rules--one being--I want to know where they are and their basic plans. If these plans change they are expected to call for safety issues and just for the fact I would be up worrying all night. It is just good manners and shows that they care about others feelins and concerns.
ReplyDeleteIf they don't let us know about a change in plans they will know that we are very disappointed in them and there will be consequences.....usually figured out together.